S.S. Malarkey is a cargo ship who tells stories that, true to his namesake, are nothing but malarkey. His special cargo consists of magic flying powder (bags of sand), a giant sea monster (a pile of seaweed) and a flag from Spagatini. He asked Hank if he wanted to go to Sandy Cove, but Hank turned his offer down.
- Malarkey's model consists of Freda's hull with Inverness' superstructure.
- Malarkey's stack was previously used for Oliver and would later be used for Chester.
- Malarkey is only referred to as Malarkey (without "S.S.")